My Best Friend's Wedding

Directed by P.J. Hogan

I know I'm not part of the target demographic for romantic comedies, but I thoroughly enjoy quite a few of them - Love Actually, You've Got Mail, As Good As It Gets, and Last Chance Harvey all immediately come to mind - and I even like a lot of Julia Robert's filmography, so I went into my viewing of My Best Friend's Wedding with an open mind. 

It didn't take long to realize this wasn't going to be joining that group of my favorite romantic comedies, that's for sure. 

My Best Friend's Wedding starts off with one of the most annoying and pointless credit sequences I've ever had the displeasure of seeing: four women (a bride and her three bridesmaids) sing and dance to "Wishin' and Hopin'", the saccharine sweet and slightly misogynist tune penned by Burt Bacharach in the 60's. I'm not sure if the actresses on screen are actually responsible for the singing or if they were lip syncing, but either way, it wasn't good. To be fair, though, it would take a marvelous vocalist to make those lyrics sound good. I have no idea why the director/producer chose to go with this idea. It adds nothing and is, in fact, a perfect way to sabotage your film right from the outset. If you want the terrible song as part of the credits, simply play it over a different scene or montage as the credits roll. To waste almost 3.5 minutes of your running time (over 3% of the whole film!) in such a way is nearly unforgivable. 

After the credits debacle, the film gets started in earnest. We're introduced to Julianne (Julia Roberts) and George (Rupert Everett), a famous food critic and her editor, respectively. We learn Julianne has a male best friend, Michael (Dermot Mulroney), and they have made a pact to get married at 28 if neither were hitched at that ripe, old age. Guess how old they are now! Of course, Julianne gets a call from Michael and he breaks the bad news to her: he's met someone and they're getting married in Chicago...in four days and he wants her to be there to support him emotionally.

* Roberts and Mulroney - this still frame accurately reflects the amount of chemistry they share onscreen *

Julianne drops everything and jets off across the country where she's immediately introduced to Michael's bride-to-be Kimberly (Cameron Diaz), a seemingly perfect 20-year-old college student who's ready to give up everything in her life (her education, her future career, being close to her family) to follow Michael around the country for his job.  And, of course, Kimberly needs a maid of honor, so why not ask this complete stranger, a former lover of your fiance? It makes perfect sense!

It doesn't take Julianne long to realize she's in love with Michael and she begins plotting to destroy their relationship, thinking (I guess) that he'll immediately rebound into her arms and they can live happily ever after.

There are few movies - and no romantic comedies - that I can think of with a cast of characters so evil (Julianne), so bland (Michael), so stupid (Kimberly), or so stereotypical (George, checking off all the boxes of cinema's standard flaming homosexual). With the exception of one very, very, very minor exception (who I'll get to later - stay tuned!), there wasn't one genuine or interesting or funny or believable character to be found in the entire film. That's almost unheard of, as even the proverbial 100 monkeys typing on 100 typewriters are bound to come up with some small nugget of value.

* The three leads - Diaz, Mulroney, and Roberts - facing off *

Julianne spends most of the film either outright lying to Michael or Kimberly or coming up with wacky schemes to drive a wedge between them. I expected the film to paint Kimberly in a negative light, in order to get the audience on Julianne's side. I mean, the audience is supposed to root for her to succeed, right? Maybe Kimberly would be manipulative or bitchy or spiteful, but she's none of these things. She's just young and dumb. But she's not dumb enough to actively dislike, just dumb in the Hollywood cliche of wanting to do anything and everything to please her man. 

Or maybe we'd be shown how Michael doesn't really know Kimberly all that well and just made an impulsive decision to propose? Maybe Michael would really be better off with Julianne! But, no, that's not the case, either. Michael and Kimberly truly love each other and are prepared to spend their lives together, making each other happy.

What we're left with is Julianne the sociopath, on a rampage to break up what can only be called "true love" for the selfish reason that she suddenly loves Michael. Keep in mind, Michael gives no indication that he feels even remotely the same way. He consistently treats Julianne like a best friend and nothing more. But that doesn't stop Julianne, even when George points this fact out to her!

I've never watched a rom-com where the "protagonist" is such a needy, manipulative, selfish bitch before. I guess I should give director P.J. Hogan  and writer Ronald Bass (responsible for dreck like Sleeping with the Enemy, Stepmom, Entrapment, and, oddly enough, the wonderful Rain Man) for credit in breaking new ground, but I have a feeling they didn't see it the same way. I kept hoping Julianne would get hit by a bus or drown or drink herself to death or fall out of her penthouse window. Sadly, none of those things happened. Theoretically, Julianne could return in numerous sequels, setting out to ruin other people's lives, much like Michael Meyers or Jason Voorhees. If she went up against those horror icons, they'd probably kill each other to get away from her. 

* Everett consoling Roberts after one of her many breakdowns *

With the abysmal writing, none of the actors had much of a chance, but none of them do much to try and elevate the material, either. Julia Roberts spends the whole movie swinging back and forth from one extreme to the other. From hysterical laughter to depression to evil conniving. There's not a real moment of human emotion contained in her performance, though. I didn't believe anything she said or did. It seems to me that Roberts and the filmmakers assumed her star power could carry the film, but that's not the case. Roberts has never been a fantastic actress, but she has shined from time to time, usually in films with a good script and competent direction to keep her in the right space. My Best Friend's Wedding definitely didn't provide her with those resources and she seems lost throughout the film. 

Dermot Mulroney has never been a draw for me (though he was very good in Zodiac and excellent in About Schmidt) and he didn't surprise me here. Michael is a terribly flawed character - though he looks like a saint when compared to Julianne - and, again with a better script and better direction, Mulroney may have been able to impart something unique in the character. In the end, though, Michael comes across as just another rom-com jerk, a guy who has to get his way and who thinks the woman in his life should live according to his standards and his desires, no matter what. Throughout the film, I kept thinking "two women are fighting over this guy?" Michael certainly isn't a person any sane woman would love and Mulroney isn't handsome enough to overcome his flaws, either. 

Cameron Diaz has appeared in quite a few great movies, but she's generally the worst actress in them. Vanilla Sky, Gangs of New York, In Her Shoes, and Being John Malkovich are all very good films despite Diaz's involvement. She also has the ability to be the worst part of a bad movie, too - see My Sister's Keeper or Bad Teacher, or better yet don't - so at least she's versatile! Her performance in My Best Friend's Wedding is probably the worst of hers I've seen. She adds nothing to the film and her overbearing enthusiasm and sporadic whining and crying are very painful to watch. 

Probably the most famous scene in the film is set at a karaoke bar (inexplicably packed in the middle of the afternoon) where Julianne forces Kimberly to sing, despite her repeated refusals. Once she's bullied enough to comply, Kimberly launches into a terribly off-key and awful rendition of "I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself" (Bacharach again!) that (again, inexplicably) gets the entire crowd energized and makes Michael love her even more. I've read that Diaz purposely sang poorly to be funny, but I'm not entirely sure about that. She seems like the type of person who just can't sing. And, in any case, it's simply not funny. It's annoying and goes on forever. Thank God she didn't pick Don McLean's "American Pie", at least. 

Rupert Everett turns in the best performance of the main cast, but that's not saying much. As I stated earlier, the character of George is pretty much just a lazy homosexual stereotype, but Everett looks like he's enjoying himself and trying, at least. Because the script calls for it, George is incredibly good and supportive to Julianne, but in real life I'm sure someone like George - if such a caricature existed - would absolutely hate someone like Julianne. Everett has charm to spare and almost rescues some scenes entirely because of his appeal. Notice I said "almost". It would take an extreme talent like Jack Nicholson to elevate this material.

Continuing the film's theme of awful musical moments, there's a scene during a brunch with Michael's and Kimberly's families where the entire group (again, inexplicably) breaks out in song, this time "Say a Little Prayer" written (again!) by Bacharach. George starts it and soon the whole family, from young Chris Masterson to old M. Emmett Walsh (who I felt bad for the entire time - the man deserves so much better), join in. Everyone hits their marks perfectly and none of them miss a note. It's like the group rehearsed for weeks and weeks! I get that musical numbers in non-musical films aren't anything new - and sometimes I adore them, like in 500 Days of Summer and Magnolia - but it just seemed ridiculous and overdone here. It was just another moment where I sighed and shook my head. I couldn't necessarily pick a "worst moment of the film" - there are just too many to choose from - but this impromptu musical number would definitely be in the running. 

* The above mentioned sing-a-long. Be thankful you can't hear it now! *

One last thing that really isn't the fault of the film or filmmakers, but I can't help but mention, is the truly awful fashion, hair, and technology. I mean, it was the 90's so the women have hideous dresses - both bridal and otherwise, many featuring bizarre floral prints - and hairstyles. Julianne's hair is so big! The technology, including both laptops and cell phones, are so clunky looking and huge. I had forgotten what they looked like back then. Chuckling at these reminders of the 90's was one of the rare bright spots in the film, but of course, it wasn't meant to be funny. This is the odd dichotomy of the film: when it tries to be funny, it fails and when it doesn't, in succeeds.

The only completely positive aspect of the entire film is a three or four-minute scene towards the end. Julianne is having yet another self-imposed breakdown and is smoking in the hallway of a swanky hotel. A bellhop comes by and informs her there's no smoking on that floor and the two start a conversation. This bellhop is played by none other than Paul Giamatti - one of my favorite actors - and his character and performance is actually quite good! Maybe it's only because he's so surrounded by so much mediocrity, but Giamatti shines in this tiny, tiny role. He's a master of facial reactions and line delivery and was then, too, nearly 20 years ago. His character, simply credited as "Bellman", is the only realistic person in the film and I would have greatly preferred watching a movie following him and his life in and out of the hotel. I'm sure it would have been immeasurably for interesting. 

* The best, and only good, moment of the film - Giamatti and Roberts share a smoke *

For some (again, inexplicable) reason, My Best Friend's Wedding got "Two Thumbs Up" from Siskel and Ebert - they must have been in a very generous mood during that taping - and has been lauded as one of the best romantic comedies by many fans of the genre. 

If you have managed to avoid it for this long, I'd highly suggest you continue to do so. Your instincts were correct - it's not worth your time. 

If you've seen it and like - or even *gasp* love - it, I can't comprehend as to why.